Englewood Park; Rocky Mount, NC

Since Fall Break hit campus, I decided to take a day and hit a course a little farther out that I haven't played before. I had a little trouble finding it, and there were some kids playing tag by the 18th Hole (cleared by the time I got there).

The course was sort of a disappointment. The front nine was very tight without any real fairways. By short, I mean around 200 feet. Very reachable, but only if you snake through trees. I threw a couple of lazy approaches for bogeys, including a frustrating one on the 371 foot 17th after I had thrown a good tee shot.

The one upside was that after the bogey on 17, I birdied 18 to go under par. Nice shot under a certain type of pressure.

Englewood Park:
2-3-2 4-3-3 2-4-2 OUT (25)
4-3-3 3-3-3 3-4-2 IN (28) 53

Rollercoaster Rounds Part II

So Monday I went to Kentwood, first time in a long time, and I figured I would be a little rusty. Indeed, I was, shooting an even par, 54 on my first round. I played a second round, and I was -1 after 8 holes. I then birdied number nine and shot -4 on the back nine for a course low (for me) 48.

So, what's up with that? Like Cornwallis last month, Kentwood gave me two round with a half dozen strokes difference. Had to get warmed up? Long layoff from the course? Interesting to see this happen more than once.

Annals of a Quiet Neighborhood--Conclusion

Finally finished this one today.

It is less plot driven than some of the other novels, but the characters are memorable and the insights moving. Towards the end, I found myself with the familiar, lingering sadness that comes from drawing to the end of a long and leisurely time spent among dear people.

A repeated theme at the end is that of class consciousness, and it is enlightening to see a character come to terms with how deeply rooted prejudice can be, even in the best of us.

I believe I've allus been the better for any trouble as ever I had to go through with. I couldn't quite say the same for every bit of good luck I had.

So says Rogers, a character in the book. It is a powerful thought, typical of MacDonald's work. If one can come to a place of trust in God, all things work for the good.

Perhaps the best word, saved for last, should come from MacDonald's pen, spoken by the narrator to Tom Weir:

If we only act as God would have us, other considerations may look after themselves--or rather, He will look after them. The world will never be right till the mind of God is the measure of things, and the will of God is the law of things. In the kingdom of Heaven nothing else is acknowledged. And till that kingdom come, the mind and will of God must, with those that look for that kingdom, over-ride every other way of thinking, feeling, and judging" (587).

Perhaps one way of learning how to recognize and acknowledge those judgments is through the contemplation of writings such as this one.

Bizarro Round

So, I'm playing at Buckhorn today, and I had one of those Bizarro rounds. You konw, when you do well on all the hard holes and poorly on the easy ones.

I took a 6 (+3 over average on hole 7). Other deviations--from the normal.

Hole 9 (OB penalty) +0.7 over average.
Hole 12 -1 over average
Hole 15 +1.2 over average.

That's quite a deviation from a 12 round average.

Oddly enough, my total score (57) was the average of my last 12 rounds, so overall I did the same, even though I did not do what I usually do on most of the holes.

Anniversary Disc Golf Musings

So Cindy and I went away this weekend to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary; what better way than some disc golf. Played Valley Springs, UNC, and Cornwallis.

We scored a 55 at VS and at UNC.

The odd thing that happened was that be played doubles at Cornwallis, an easier course, and threw par (54). I played a second round, singles, and shot a -7 (47). I hadn't played the course more than once in the last two years, so I guess I just needed to refamiliarize myself with distances and lay out. Even so, I think a seven stroke difference between rounds on the same course on the same day is a bit flukey.

Annals of a Quiet Neighborhood (481)

And here let me interrupt the conversation to remark upon the great mistake of teaching children that they have souls. The consequence is, that they think of their souls as of something which is not themselves. For what a man has cannot be himself. Hence, when they are told that their souls go to heaven, they think of their selves as lying in the grave. They ought to be taught that they have bodies; and that their bodies die; while they themselves live on [....] It is making altogether too much of the body, and is indicative of an evil tendency to materialism, that we talk as if we possessed souls, instead of being souls. We should teach out children to think no more of their bodies when dead then they do of their hair when it is cut off, or of their old clothes when they have done with them.

This passage is full of a lot of wisdom. I wonder if there is any way for us who have been taught to think in the way described to unlearn our pattern of thinking and escape some of the influences of materialism. If we could, certainly the fear of death, even in Christian circles, might be lessened.

Apologia Pro Vita Sua (70-80)

For some reason it took me a long time to get through this section.

The Articles are 'evidently framed on the principle of leaving open large questions on which the controversy hinges. They state broadly extreme truths, and are silent about their adjustment. For instance, they say that all necessary faith must be proved from Scripture but do not say who is to prove it. They say, that the Church has authority in controversies; the do not say what authority. They say that it may enforce nothing beyond Scripture, but do not say where the remedy lies when it does. They say the works before grace and justification are worthless and worse, and that works after grace and justification are acceptable, but they do not speak at all of works with God's aid before justificaiton. They say that men are lawfully called and sent to minister and preach who are chosen and called by men who have public authority given them in the Congregation; but they do not add by whom the authority is to be given. They say that Councils called by princes may err; they do not determine whehter Councils called in the name of Christ may err.'

This passage has provided a lot of contemplation. The question I've been thinking about is whether this sort of ambiguity is a good thing or not.

In some lectures on American history, I've heard the Constitution celebrated as this sort of document--one that was necessarily ambiguous as a means of forging unity amongst participants while leaving open important issues dealing with currently unresolvable conflicts.

On the flip side, I've heard arguments that the failure to address key differences allows the status quo to remain or makes changing injustices more difficult. One issue that the Constitution deals with is that of slavery. I see the current situation in the church dealing with issues of sexual orientation as one in which this ambiguity is ceasing to be a good thing, in part because polarized sides do not want things left ambiguous; they want them settled in their favor.

I've been involved in institutions where policies were similarly broad--use "discretion" when watching movies, don't make political remarks about subjects unrelated to class discussion...sometimes these work, sometimes they don't. What's related to class discussion? How is it determined (and by whom), whether discretion has been used?

Newman says later in the same chapter that he has come to dislike "understandings." It seems to me that policies or principles of this sort work if there is an understanding between parties of what is intentionally left vague and why--and a reciprocal agreement to not push the point, even when the opposing side is in violation of some principle consistent with how you interpret the understanding. These understandings are a way, perhaps, of agreeing to disagree for the time being and to proceed in other areas in the hopes that an agreement can be reached dealing with the problem area later on.

As with all understandings, this sort of codified understanding gives more power to the status quo than the minority, I think.

The Man Who Planted Trees...

...is a really fine animated short film.

I especially liked the line about the man's "magnificent and consttant generosity."

We tend to think of magnificent generosity in terms of the size of any single donation of money or other resources. There is something equally magnificent about constant service, about slow and steady faithfullness.

In Memoriam of a Professor, Colleague, Friend

Yesterday I received notice that my former professor, Gustaaf Van Cromphout passed away due to a brain hemorrhage.

Gustaaf's knowledge was immense, but his generosity of spirit was even greater. I have never met a man who was so learned and yet so humble (in the true way that Lewis describes in Screwtape--not a false humility but rather a lack of concern for personal glory.) I had 5 or 6 classes with him in graduate school, and I used to say that if he taught a class in the New York City Phone Book I would take it--and learn more in it than in any other!

He served as a reader on my dissertation and never failed to be supportive. Once, I shared with him that it could be slightly disheartening to take a class with someone whose breadth of knowledge so far exceeded my own that it could make me feel as though I could never "catch up." He asked me how old, I was, smiled, and said, "I have a few years on you, Kenneth [he always called me Kenneth], when you reach my age, you will know all the things I know..." It was such a typical reply, affirming, challenging, teaching.

Once, at an MLA conference, I spoke to a participant who did not know me and only knew him by his books say, "Well if you have Van Cromphout for a professor, you probably understand [Melville and Emerson] better than I do."

The day after I passed my candidacy exams, I greeted him in the department office and he pulled me to one side, awkwardly asking me to come by his office later. I spent most of the morning in fear, wondering if there had been some last minute problem found with my dissertation. When I got there, he looked somewhat embarrassed, took off his glasses and said, "You know, Kenneth, I did not want to say anything in the office where there were other students around, but you called me Dr. Van Cromphout this morning, and now that you have defended your dissertation, you should really call me Gustaaf." It was at that moment, more so than getting the actual degree, that I realized I had crossed some academic or professoinal threshold.

I last saw Gustaaf in March, when I was at NIU to give a paper at their conference. He came in on a Saturday because he saw I was on the program and wanted to say hello. He spoke of how few of the faculty were still there from my time of study, how much he missed some of his own colleagues who had moved or passed on. We chatted briefly, and I hugged him gently, careful of his burgeoning arthritis, honored that he would come to see me almost a full decade after I had graduated.

Afir Nafisi said that leaving a place always brings grief because we mourn for the person we were while we were there, knowing we will never be that person again. Perhaps part of my own grief is the realization that a place and time that were instrumental in my own life have now dramatically changed and past. But that is only a part. We did not keep in constant contact, so he wasn't exactly a mentor. He was--and still is--my role model, I guess. Even though we didn't communicate regularly, I am surprised (though perhaps I should not be) how much it saddens and hurts me to think that he is no longer there.

"If I am sorrowful," I said, "God lives none the less." And His will is better than mine, yea, is my hidden and perfected will. In Him is my life. His will be done.
--George MacDonald; Annals of A Quiet Neighborhood (410)

Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince

My favorite line from the book...

"[...] anyway, love potions aren't Dark or dangerous..."

Not dangerous indeed.

More from Annals of a Quiet Neighborhood

When a man thinks it is such a fine thing to have done right, he might almost as well have done wrong, for it shows he considers right something extra, not absolutely essential to human existence, not the life of a man (283).

An apt description of pride. MacDonald inverts many typical judgments in his books, showing how those attitudes and behaviors that we often justify or think of as less egregious can be even more destructive than the social behaviors we often judge more harshly.

Certainly one has no right to say what God is going to do with anyone till he knows it beyond a doubt [....] I mean we must take care of presumption when we measure God's plans by our theories (291).

The frequency with which we substitute our own judgments and assumptions for the will of God is one of the largest problems I see. It is so easy to think "God said" or "God wants" when what we mean is, "I think this must be what God..."

And I left the shop somewhat consoled for the pain I had given Catherine, which grieved me without making me sorry that I had occasioned it (295).

"Sorry" is one of those cheap words today, like Beonhoeffer's phrase, "cheap grace." Grieved is an interesting word choice here, implying a choice in how we think of things that is so often lacking in modern relationships.

For what I was delighted to be made sure of was that Tom at least knew that he did not know. For that is the very next step to knowing. Indeed, it may be said to be a more valuable gift than the other, being of general appliaction; for some quick people will understand many things very easily, but when they come to a thing that is beyond their present reach, will fancy they see a meaning in it, or invent one, or even--which is far worse--pronounce it nonsense; and, indeed, show themselves capable of any device for getting out of the difficulty except seeing and confessing to themselves that they are not able to understand it (297).

The thing that interests me here is MacDonald's claim that pronouncing it "nonsense" is far worse than even inventing a meaning. By this, I take him to mean that such an action can too easily become habit and make it difficult for us to ever learn from anything that is not easily accessible.

Holding onto Summer

Well faculty orientation is tomorrow, so I had to use my last full day of freedom to go to Raleigh and play Cedar Hills and Kentwood.

CH is one of my 5 favorite courses, but I confess I've been finding myself disatisfied with it the last few times I've played. Perhaps this is just displaced disatisfaction at myself for not being better, or perhaps it is just a fact that one's attitude towards a course changes depending on how often one plays it. Seems like when I first played Kentwood, I had played more wooded courses and thus the fairways seemed wide. Now I've played more open courses and things are a bit tighter.

Then again, maybe it's just more frustrating to hit a tree when you know that you could otherwise reach a hole than it is when you know that you would be struggling to get par anyway.

I shot a 57 at CH and a 49 at Kentwood. Had a chance to go 48, but bogeyed Hole 17. (A Kentwood bogey, bleh).

It's fun to shoot a low score, but sometimes I wonder if Kentwood is not bad for my game. It's all drive and putt. I rarely find myself with a new look or different approach. Sure is fun, though.

Apologia Pro Vita Sua (58-69)

This section was a bit drier for me, but there were still a few profitable passages for contemplation. Most of these dealt with the question of tone in the rhetoric that Newman recalls in dealing with the tract movement.

"If confidence in his position is, (as it is,) a first essential in the leader of a party, this Dr. Pusey possessed pre-eminently" (60).

Is this an essential? A "first" essential? What is the difference, if any, between confidence in one's position and dogmatism? I sometimes think that confidence in one's own position shuts one off from influence and correction, a place where I don't want my leaders to be. Then again, there is a truth here. It is hard to lead effectively if one is always second-guessing oneself. I guess I want a bit more balance than Newman does.

"[Dr. Pusey] saw that there ought to be more sobriety, more gravity, more careful pains, more sense of responsibility in the Tracts and in the whole Movement" (60).

I see some similarities between the Tracts and Internet communication, so this sentence resonates. I do think rhetoric can take on a different, nastier tone in these sorts of pseudo-public but rigidly separate communication methods. The biggest similarity is that one can too easily fall into the trap of thinking one is communicating with a link, a name, a post, rather than with another human being.

"[...] but the Via Media, as viewed as an integral system, has scarcely had existence except on paper" (64).

Ideas are nice. Having the "right" opinions is nice. How do they help people in their daily lives or bring people closer to not just salvation but also a fullness of life?

More Doubles Musing

So I returned to Higher Ground on Friday for more doubles, but this time Cindy came with me and we requested to play together.

Together we shot -2. My partner from Tuesday had a new parter with whom he shot a -6.

This suggests to me that while one part of a doubles pair will always be superior to the other, it is hard to estimate how much of a round is merely what the better of the two players would play singles.

Certainly I (or my former partner) could have played worse than we did on Tuesday (I know I missed a few more putts for birdie), but I don't think it likely that he shot 8 strokes worse and I 12.

So there is something about not just who you get paired with but how complementary you are in your skills, temperament, and approach to the game.

What's a Good Doubles Score?

I've been playing more doubles this summer, and I've been pondering the question of what's a good score for me if I were playing someone equal in talent with myself.

When I'm playing with someone who is less skilled than myself, I feel like I should still be around or slightly better than my solo score. When I'm playing with someone better, I feel like I should add to their baseline score.

Today at O.T. Sloan, I tried an experiment. I played a round of self-doubles, where I had two throws and could take the better of the two. My singles round (playing just one shot, always the first shot) was -3 (51). My doubles score (taking two shots and playing the better of the two) was -10 (44). My best singles score on this course has been -6 (48).

Comparison:
Singles: 2-3-2 2-3-2 2-3-2 (21) 3-4-3 3-4-2 4-4-3 (51)
Self Doubles: 2-3-2 2-2-2 2-2-2 (19) 3-3-3 2-3-2 3-3-3 (44)

Of course this isn't exactly analogous, because making two throws in a row is not the same as making a throw after your partner has gone. Still, it was interesting.

Annals of a Quiet Neighborhood (223-232)

Perhaps because it is less plot driven (so far) this novel has quite a few MacDonald gems in the so called digressions.

"I had no time to repent, only to thank God.

This line is spoken by a former sailor who relates taking the Lord's name in vain when he thinks he is about to drown. He continues to speak of the greater shame at realizing he doubted God than at the swearing itself. It is a nice, succinct portrait of someone close enough to God that he can feel his own repentance without God bullying him into it.

"You know besides that a small matter in which a principle is involved will reveal the principle, if attended to, just as well as a great one containing the same principle" (226).

If attended to...if attended to...that's such an important little modifier. What a carefully constructed and profound sentence--with implications for art.

"There are many things which a little learning, while it cannot really hide them, may make you less ready to see all at once" (228).

I'm stuck mulling over the qualifier "little." Will more learning make you more likely to see them? Less likely to be hindered by the learning? Is it the learning itself that hinders or the pride that uses the little learning as its primary shield from hard truth?

"If anybody cannot understand why I did so, I beg him to consider the matter. If then he cannot come to a conclusion concerning it, I doubt if any explanation of mine would greatly subserve his enlightenment" (231).

Be careful when arguing with fools; observers might not be able to tell the difference.

There is more here than just that, though. How quick we are to argue and counterargue and how little we actually "consider the matter." Perhaps that is why art is higher than criticism. It will not rush to cast its pearls before swine.

Drive For Show...

...but putt for dough, as the saying goes.

My recent success in doubles confirmed to me that putting covers a multitude of sins. I could not drive all the holes my partner could, but it was my ability to make some key 20-30 foot putts that could have made the difference between -11 and -14. Oh, I drove a couple too, but I just think there are more guys who can throw 350+ feet than can hit a 25 footer 80% of the time.

Perhaps it is time to break out the Ching portable and do some sustained putting practice.

Cape Fear Random Doubles; Higher Ground, Middle Creek, NC

Play in enough random doubles and eventually you'll get paired with someone really good.

My partner and I took second in this event with a -14 (40). Good stuff. My initial impression was that I was a bit bummed because at least two of the holes we missed were shorter ones. Then again, several of the holes we made were longer ones that my partner drove. We were one off the lead.

My partner definitely carried me, but I did make several contributions, drives and putts. It felt good to contribute to a great round.

The course is a private course and it was a bit wet from rain earlier today.

I took greetings from Sheba the cat to Max and Fannie.

Higher Ground:
3-2-2 3-2-2 2-2-2 OUT (20)
2-2-2 2-2-3 2-2-3 IN (20) 40

I won two hot stamped discs; a DX Orc (thought I'd try it) and a DX Roc (can never have too many Rocs).

Apologia Pro Vita Sua (50-57)

"Here I make a remark: persistence in a given belief is no sufficient test of its truth; but departure from it is a least a slur upon the man who has felt so certain about it " (50).

The first half of the phrase is the most resonant to me. In these polarized days, I feel like I see, more and more, the inability to argue for truth in any other way except to point to how vehemently a belief is held or how long it has been held.

"But in 1827 I accepted eagerly the stanza in the Christian Year, which many people thought too charitable, 'Speak gently of thy sister's fall'" (53).

Wow. May people think too charitable indeed. I can think of very few people in my public or private acquaintance who strive to speak gently about much of anything, least of all another's fall. And by speaking gently I don't mean equivocating. This word is a strong one. It bears thinking upon and trying to put into practice. It may not always lead to reconciliation with the person or object of one's disagreement as it did in Newman's case, but surely it leaves open greater avenues and possibilities for this to happen than does the hardening that comes with always speaking and thinking so uncharitably.

A (Very) Good Day at Buckhorn

Shot a 57 on my first 18, but I felt good and seemed to be just missing, so I played a second round.

Carded a 22 on the front 9 (-5). Given the course and the variety of shots I had to make (gently sloping downhill with Sidewinder, flick drive with Valkyrie, elevated right turn with Leopard, short cutting approach with Whippet, tight drive to penninsula with Roc and putting, putting, puttin), if it wasn't the best 9 holes of golf I've played, it was certainly a first ballot hall of famer.

How good were these nine holes, and how do I make the distinction between an "in the zone" round and merely getting better?

Over the preceding 8 rounds I played at Buckhorn, I averaged 29.52 on these holes, making my front nine a full 7.5 strokes below my average. Unheard of and unprecedented.


That I couldn't back it up on the back 9 with anything more than a +4 to finish -1 overall was mildly irksome (If I could have combined the back nine of my first round with the front nine of the second, I would have shot a 50, bettering my previous best score by 5 strokes) but not enough to cancel out the exhiliration of a half a round where everything was clicking. While this sort of improvement in score might happen if I returned to a course I've only played once several years ago, to have such a leap on a course one plays regularly is pretty heady stuff.

As it is, I took two strokes off my best score, even losing 1 to a water penalty by a measly 5 inches and another to an unfortunate roll after hitting a tree.

So maybe I'm getting better, maybe I'm learning the course, or maybe I just had a good day.